The Ultimate Anger Issue: Journal Of An Eccentric Fuckwit

...Yeah, that was not an accident. I did 'delete' my journal for two weeks. And I still plan on making it permanent.

Thing is, I saw some news coming out of Indiecade which upset me greatly. It was like a bad spirit from my past constantly catching up to haunt me every time I tried to run. I still feel great pain and guilt whenever I see it, and it made me realize that just about everything that's happened over the past several years has been tied to my Livejournal...People who have betrayed me, people I have lost, people who I've angered and tossed me out of their circle, or people who just see no benefit in keeping up with me anymore, either because they've grown sick of me or because I don't offer anything useful back to them. It's a whirlwind of bad experiences, and each time I stick around in the hopes that things will get better, they don't. I keep losing more 'friends', accounts get abandoned...It's the loneliest I've ever felt in years, and I don't know who I can trust to not leave me when things get tough!

But the Indiecade news was the last straw. Now I felt like my presence was holding people back! I can't celebrate with them anymore because I only bring bad news! I'm a burden and I've been abandoned for it I haven't been able to forgive myself for years, and now, I can't run away from the blame! I bought a 3DS to help with the escape...Now by the end of the year, that will be haunting me too. I started screaming when I got the news....I failed in even the simplest task of separating myself from those people!

So that's it. I can't take this anymore. I'm lying to myself in believing that staying here would make things better. I give up. You win! Rub it in my face and tell me how much you like it. I can't go on anymore.

I have a confession to make. Last month I was so distraught over everything that's happened, and have felt so guilty and hopeless, that for the very first time in my life, I tried to commit suicide. I attempted to launch myself down a flight of stairs. I couldn't even do that right. It's a rock and a hard place that I have no hope in resolving and it feels like I either kill myself, or eventually lose my mind. I lose, and I'll never be better.

And it's all my fault. I blame myself every day. And with each time I check the news sites and see some other piece coming from the indie camp the spiral deepens.

I failed. I'm sorry. I'll never forgive myself.

I'm sorry to Scarlet_Havoc, for not being the beacon I said I would be.

I'm sorry Sardius, for stooping to your level.

I'm sorry to Jess, who I only made his interest in games more difficult to enjoy.

I'm sorry to Helldray, Who was perhaps the last person to even try being in touch with me.

I'm sorry to Bloodymarry, who I offended with my 'racism'.

I'm sorry to Kawree, who defended me and did not have the chance to repay the favor.

I'm sorry to Dia_Aren_Marie, who I made uncomfortable with my own fears.

I'm sorry Momogirl12345, who I took too much advantage of,

I'm sorry MadamLuna, who went from seeing me as a good friend to one of the most insufferable people in the world.

And I'm really sorry to Michelle, who I kept thinking would get me out of each mess I get myself into.


I'm very sorry to you all.


I'll keep my LJ up for a few more days. Then afterward, I'll vanish like I should have done a long time ago.

...Again...I'm sorry.

...That was not an accident.

I'll explain later.

I was going to post something regarding Steve Jobs' passing yesterday, but LiveJournal decided to have its bi-annual server hemorrhaging and things still aren't at 100%, so if you're actually reading this...Dayumn!

Not like I have a lot to say about the guy. While I recognize him as one of the greatest innovators of our time, my only Apple-brand experience before iPods got all touchy-feely was a 1990 Mac Classic...Which I received in 1997! I upgraded to a Hewlett-Packard 386 and never looked back. And the only reason i'd invest in an iPad is for the iCade. i just don't have that much loose change.

Nintendo released a whole bunch of 3DS previews today, giving us lucky to have a 3DS our first look of their games in...well...3D! I really don't see the reasoning behind making Super Mario 3D Land a November 13 release...when Skyward Sword hits the Wii a week later. Wouldn't Nintendo be more careful about taking sales away from the 3DS right now? I don't even....I still plan on getting Mario 3D and Skyward Sword (The special edition specifically, since I still haven't upgraded to a Wii Motion Plus), but it's gonna be a close call on my wallet.

Nothing much else to write about...Disney registers Castle Of Illusion for something possibly Epic Mickey-related...PS2 games make an appearance on PSN...Bethesda continues to act like a bunch of whiny lawsuit-mongers...And Douglas Adams' whale has landed.

Read into that as you will.

Hello internet. Doing spiffy? Grand.

Over the weekend my laptop committed harakiri and blue-screened in front of my eyes. Not five months owning the damn thing and it shits itself. A trip to the local Best Buy revealed a hard-drive failure and is now somewhere in Texas probably getting pissed on by orangutans with socket-wrenches. I'm currently borrowing my sister's laptop which, despite being two years older than mine, has about 700 more Megahertz under the hood. Still not enough to run Minecraft proper, however. Ugh, I miss that game...Looks like I'll just have to wait for the Xbox 360 version.

Also, I hadn't exactly been in the mood to write longer posts as of late. 'Write' being the key word here. If I had someone to dictate my thoughts I'd probably be updating twice a day, but extensive writing has been something I've been too lazy to do. In my head are my opinions on Driver: San Francisco, Wizorb, The Legend Of Zelda: Four Swords 25th Anniversary (Bleh, that's a mouthful), and ICO/Shadow Of The Colossus Collection, yet I really haven't been up to typing anything more than a brief comment here or there. When this happens, a full blog-entry would be a waste...I'll just post my thought on Facebook, then go back to watching live gaming streams.

Not like I've been feeling all that socially interactive lately. I've kept my AIM off the last couple of weeks and have only ever regularly talked to two people in that time. But perhaps this is the me a lot of you have to expect...The me that is on medication. Not so prone to unbearable emotional outbreaks, but more fearful of plaguing the outside world with his presence. The only thing stopping me from barring myself inside my room is having nothing to bar the door with.

Also, these types of 'woe is me' posts have to stop. It's not attractive. Which is why I've been heavily considering deleting my LJ profile. Most of the people I knew around here have either moved on or want more nothing more to do with me, so...maybe it's time to turn this blog into a memory.

Pushing the button is the hardest part, however...

Sorry for the lack of posting, folks. I've been going through some personal this-and-thats. Worry not for me, dear reader. Unless you know me. Then you're probably rolling your eyes right now. Hey, I can be realistic at times. Moving on.

Gargoyle's Quest (GB) - I saw someone play this on their Game Boy about 20 years ago and put it in the back of my memory banks...I want to say that Super Mario Land 2 was coming out around that time and...given the choice between Mario and some Ghosts 'N Goblins character who kept wrecking my shit...Opted for Six Golden Coins. Still, thanks to the 3DS's Virtual Console, I was able to give this game another chance (Not that I gave it a chance before. I've emulated it a couple of times but kept getting distracted by other games). It's very short, very linear, and surprisingly fun. I've always like the Zelda II overhead-and-platforming combo style, so once I was able to sit down and really play this, I actually enjoyed it. Now if only Capcom would give us Gargoyle's Quest II and its awesomely-gritty reboot, Demon's Crest.

Resident Evil 4 HD (360/PS3) - I loved this game the moment it hit the GameCube, and I love it now. Oh sure, the controls are a bit dated by today's standards, but it still looks fantastic. Some fans were actually pissing off that this isn't a 'true' HD upgrade, but trust me...Tell me how the original game looks in Progressive Scan. I still think the visuals hold up incredibly well, but I also remember when it was impressive for the cut-scenes to run entirely in real-time (A technical feat that the PS2 version had to convert to non-manipulable FMV just to match). A lot of the motion-capturing and previous real-time animating set the bar for future games, and the gameplay itself was such a revolutionary step forward that the developers of Resident Evil 5 even admitted they wouldn't be able to match it. To me, RE4HD signifies the best version so far...an HD update of the Wii version (Complete with real-time scenes and new gameplay modes and side-stories) using a GameCube/PS2 controller. Also, Ramon Salazar is always good for a laugh.

Gears Of War 3 (360) - I can't remember the last time I've ever played a new game...one that I had never played before...in a single sitting. But that's what I did with Gears 3, the final game (Or so they say) in the series. Or at least, in the timeline. Some serious shit goes down that would only be circumvented by a lazy deus-ex machina revision, so the only way I can see Epic making more games is if they fill in the gaps that were only explained in the books. The entire story was written by the same writer, so elements referred to in the game would only make sense if people read the novels. So only the die-hards would know how Anya went from a completely hands-off supporting character to one of the most hardened and prolific soldiers in the troupe. Those who've been following the fate of Clayton Carmine will find their answer during the game's ending sequence, and another major event further cements Gears 3's position as the story arc's finale. I dislike withholding spoilers as much as I dislike spoilers being withheld from me, so if you haven't completed the game yet, HURRY THE HELL UP ALREADY!

Why does Silvergun's Arcade mode have the still-images for the intro, but not during the end-game credit roll?? What's with the strange random omissions!?

Guitar Vader + Dubstep = "I Wubba Wubba Wub You"

The Gunstringer's 'Wavy Tube Man Chronicles' DLC (Currently free for a limited time) is such a blatant and magnificent homage to Mad Dog McCree and Space Pirates that it's a question why they credited Digital Pictures in the 'Special Thanks' instead of American Laser Games.

Must continue pushing long-irrelevant memes...Must revive 'Ate My Balls'...

I've been putting off this update for awhile, mainly because I was going to include the games I played at the NYU Game Center marathon I attended back at the end of July. Five games I've played to completion in a span of twelve hours, along with other games I've been playing before and after the event...

Bionic Commando (NES) - The center had a pretty neat setup...6 HDTVS and 3 Computers. There were 3 live streams going that day...Two for Minecraft and Starcraft 2, and a main stream for whatever console game people wanted to play at that moment. Lots of systems to choose from, too...from the Atari 2600 to the Sega Saturn and a CD-I for Wand Of Gamelon fun times*! There was also a top-loading NES on the floor, which I quickly took to. My first request of the evening was Bionic Commando, as it's short enough for me to play through quickly but tough enough to make me feel badass when I beat it. I managed to complete the game in one continue. One day I won't need continues...

Mega Man (NES) - The only game NYU did not credit me on, it was the second game I challenged. Mega Man is pretty well-known for defining the term 'NES hard', but it really isn't that terrible once you learn two things: 1) There is a proper boss order, and it doesn't start with Cut Man Or Fire Man. And 2) Using the magnet beam is not considered cheating.


Kirby's Adventure (NES) - All I needed was one more Capcom game and I would've had a Capcom mini-thon thing goin'. I decided I needed another game to play for awhile before I did that, so I went with Kirby's Adventure...An easy game, but pretty lengthy for an NES platformer. It wasn't until I reached world 3 that I realized I never beat this game in one sitting before. I was in for a long night...

DuckTales (NES) - By the time I was done with Kirby's Adventure, I was starting to feel tired. I knew I should've taken that nap before doing this marathon. After Kirby, I wanted a shorter game to unwind with. This was why I waited on DuckTales. I may have only played this game on the hardest difficulty twice in my life, because my confidence is such that I don't need to constantly play the toughest difficulty to prove how good I am with it. It's a relatively easy game. So for the third time ever, I chose the 'Hard' difficulty, and got the best ending just outside of an hour.

Shadow Of The Colossus (PS2) - As I finished up DuckTales, the hallway the marathon was taking place in shrunk from about twenty people to four, myself included. The only other person who wasn't hosting was playing Shadow Of The Colossus on the main stream, and had finally threw in the towel after the third colossus. I decided to pick up the controller at that point. I'd have to imagine the chatroom watchers where glad to have someone who knew how to play the game, because the last guy spent forty minutes on that third colossus before finally nailing the final blow. I then realized I was playing a game that was significantly longer than Kirby, and if I was going to have a chance with the final two colossi, I'll need to start hunting lizards and fruit. I was kind of annoyed in a way, because I hadn't played this game in more that three years and I was saving myself from playing it until the PS3 HD release. I was only ever able to take on two colossi at a time before needing to move on to other games, and here I was about to take on thirteen colossi in one go. By the time I was done, six hours had passed, it was 8 in the morning, and I needed to save whatever energy I had left to take the 1-hour train ride back home. I was a shambling mess and didn't get out of bed for the next two days. But man, was it worth it. With the proper preparation, I'd do this marathon again in a heartbeat!

Star Fox 64 3D - I already told you why I like this port. Now it's time to get nitpicky and observe what's missing or changed...: The Multiplayer mode seems to have taken the largest of the hits, with landmaster and 'on-foot' modes having been removed. The original two maps have been replaced with an all-new set of four, and I've heard co-op battle is also gone. In Single-Player, Cockpit view is AWOL (Which is odd...Wouldn't it make more sense for a 3DS port to keep its first-person view) and the 'Super-Nova' boss explosions are also mysteriously removed. Very peculiar. I suppose if you really want a combination of the best parts, the original N64 version is also available on Wii Virtual Console...Maybe I should play through that again and make some proper comparisons.

Ikaruga (XBLA) - To prepare for Radiant Silvergun, I purchased Ikaruga, as owning this game unlocks an 'Ikaruga' mode in Silvergun. For all intents and purposes, this is the ultimate version of Ikaruga available. Hi-def, online co-op and leaderboards, and the same reward system introduced in the Saturn-version Silvergun and brought to the Dreamcast-version Ikaruga. Nitpicking again, I do notice the original difficulty-select screen is gone (Not necessary, but it did give you a glimpse of the character controlling the ship) as well as that robotic voice telling you 'PRESS START BUTTON'. I know I know, big deal, right? I only make this notice because Ikaruga was among the top three games I've played the most on the Dreamcast (Quite possibly before Skies Of Arcadia and a bit more than Jet Grind Radio), and there is absolutely no audio until that robot-voice speaks. So it feels like a missing element to me, unnecessary as it is. Don't mind me: It's still the best port of the game ever, even re-adding the text that was removed from the GameCube port and translating it as well.

Radiant Silvergun (XBLA) - I already mentioned in a previous post what was changed/missing from this port, but now I have a bit more information about the Arcade Mode: The rewards system has been modified so that an hour of active gameplay in Arcade mode gets you an extra continue, while an hour in Saturn mode gets you an extra life. The reason why only extra lives in Saturn mode is because it's the only mode that allows you to save and carry your leveled-up weapons through subsequent gameplays, so it balances things out. Bottom line is, the rewards system now acts separately between both modes rather than the Arcade Mode carrying extra bonuses to the Saturn mode. There's also options added strictly for Saturn purists...Namely, the ability to completely remove the wallpaper and side-bar info so it plays like its using old-fashioned black borders, and the option to place the scoreboard back at the top of the screen. Personally I believe when most people see the knew score and weapons levels locations, they'll find that setup superior, as they effectively free the gameplay screen of all forms of HUD. It really is an ingenious use of the extra HD real-estate.

Mighty Milky Way (DSi) - Alright, so I bought this game just to try out Shantae's Import Room feature, but as a game it's considerable better-balanced than mighty Flip Champs. I managed to beat the main game and it was very fun. The game feels like Star Trigon with a small hint of Art Style: Orbient tossed in for gravity's sake. I may also have to pledge my allegiance to Matt Bozon at this point. I've always been a fan of his particular style of art, and that hasn't changed in ten years. I've always feared commitment...Maybe it's time I propose.


*Nobody dared.